Singing the blues....

Well, I watched The View today to see what they had to say about depression. I was interested, but I didn't learn anything new. I have been struggling with my depression alot lately. I am functioning, but barely. I am exhausted all the time and mostly in a blah mood. I am also very impatient and "short" with people. I blow up easily. I am trying little things to get me motivated and in a better mood. Like I am going to get my hair done tomorrow. But with that, comes anxiety. I have never paid so much to have a highlight and cut ($80 geez). So, I am wondering if it will be worth it. Or if I will be worth it. I have splurged on a new pair of sandals (also high priced, $45 geez) and have decided to give myself a pedicure. I am hoping this downward swing is due to the fact that I am ,like 89% of women now, letting myself go. I totally let myself go. 5 years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of going out of the house without makeup or perfectly made up. Now, I throw on some exercise pants or sweats and nearly 100% of the time have my hair in a clip or pony tail. Why do I have long hair, if all I am going to do is put it up? And I almost NEVER wear makeup anymore. I don't think I own anything other than mascara now and it is nearly dried up (I am sure).

I have been trying to do some soul searching and I am not coming up with any new answers. I am still taking my medication (max on Wellbutrin and 50 mg of seroquel) and I am functioning, but not thriving. I don't want to go and change my medicine again because I feel I tolerate this combo well. I don't have terrible side effects or weight gain. I really feel that this is the right combo, but something in my head is still bringing me down. I am not manic hardly ever anymore. And I love that the seroquel puts me to sleep at night becuase that is my hardest thing to do, sleep. I want to sleep, but it doesn't come easily to me.

Anyway, I guess the real reason for this post is to confess that I am "singing the blues" but that I am trying to get out of it. I don't really know if I am going about it the right way, but it is an effort just the same. The only thing helpful on The View was that it seemed that most of the people fighting depression (or bipolar like me) did yoga. Now, I use to LOVE doing yoga. But that was when my body wasn't betraying me (extra weight, age). Now, I feel like a failure when I do it. I would sooooo love to start doing it again, and maybe this should be my incentive to start again. If Rosie O'Donnel can do it, I can too! So, anyone out there that has recently pulled themselves up and wants to share advise, I am all ears! You would think since I have been dealing with this since I was a child, I would have conquered this by now, but sadly I haven't.