Bumper Tales

So, I am driving my kids to school this morning and we are coming up behind an Isuzu Trooper. All of a sudden, the kids start giggling. I start looking around and I find what they are giggling and whispering about. It is a bumper decal, not on the bumper though, high on the back windshield. "Assholes Litter". Nice. Now I have to warn and scold (for one had already repeated it) that it isn't proper to talk that way. Not that I don't agree with the person in front of me, but it isn't something I want my kids to read and or repeat. Was it really needed to have a LARGE decal display in the window to get the point across? Just as I was about to repeat my scolding and that yes I agree, you shouldn't litter, the back of my van started a round of laughter again. Just as we were about to go thru a light, the very vocal advocate for no littering decided to turn a corner and THROW A DRINK CUP OUT OF THE VEHICLE. Guess my kids got the irony of it because they didn't quit laughing until we got to school.

Maybe the Isuzu should get a new bumper decal "Do as I say, not as I do!"

What I have/have not done!

Ok, Denise did is, so OFCOURSE, I had to do it!

Things in bold I have done, in red what I want to do.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken- so far....
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror- and oh how I wanted to!!
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge -waaaayyyy to scared of bridges!!!
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost 100 pounds (close to it)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

I never claimed to have an adventerous life! I do believe, looking at this, I am a bit sheltered!

I would love to see your answers! Let me know if you do this meme!

Men....... a rant

So, do I have Superhero or Superhuman stamped somewhere on my body that I am not aware of?
I don't believe I do and I am sure I don't have a cape or a super suit hidden anywhere. So then why does my husband feel that I can do everything? More importantly, why does he feel that I SHOULD do everything?

I am very busy at work right now. Very busy doesn't even BEGIN to cut it. It is holiday season and we design HOLIDAY CARDS. Doesn't take a genius to realize that we will be busy. I even had a conversation with this man BEFORE holiday season started to implore how important it was that he help around the house because I would be extremely busy. So what happens? We get into a huge fight because he won't help. He feel's he is helping (according to him) but when dishes aren't getting done, laundry isn't getting done, and basically the house looks like a tornado hit it, he ISN'T HELPING. Then to make matters worse, when I ask him to do something, he balks, makes a joke and then ignores the request. And HE is mad that I am mad? Are you kidding me?

So, I am working nearly non stop (yes it is at home, so I get to work all the odd hours too) and my kids have been off and on sick now for a month. He is not home but on the weekends and one day during the week. He feels ENTITILED to sit on his ass and watch tv during those times. And he is mad that I think he should help. WTF? Really, did I sign up to take care of a 6th child? I don't believe I did. I am quite sure I had my tubes tied at 5. In fact, I have even gone on strike against sex. I have no energy for it, no desire. Where would I get desire? Because he sits on his ass while I am trying to kill myself with keeping up with everything? Yeah, that is attractive. Or how about when he moans and groans because he has to make his own sandwiches for work. Yeah, I just want to tear the clothes off then.

How is it that he doesn't pick up on clues? No sex because no HELP. Bitchy mom because NO HELP. Mom complains that there is NO HELP and yet, it still goes unnoticed. He just gets an attitude and claims it is because I am in a bad mood. HELLO??? Buy a clue will ya. Why would I be in a bad mood?

I am about at my wits end. I don't even want to take his phone calls. I do, but then I get aggrevated quickly into the call. I have nothing to say to him and he would rather have us sit on the phone with dead air than to hang up. Yes, because I have all the time in the world just to sit on the phone and listen to dead air. I am superhuman remember? I can do everything.

Happy Birthday Baby!

I can't believe my oldest baby is now 11! Yes, you heard me right, he is 11. Oh how the years have flown by. It seems just like yesterday..... My pregnacy didn't go exactly as planned. In the 7th month I started having contractions and dialating. I was a 4 before they could get my contractions to slow down. They never did stop, but I was able to continue the pregancy thru the 8th month. Then while doing my "practicing" pushes with the nurse (the dr was across the street and not at the hospital yet) she screams "STOP". Huh? Apparently my beautiful boy had crowned and the dr was not here yet. So, she tells me to wait (thank you epidural!). So, I do, making conversation. Then more nurses enter the room, anestesiaologists enter the room, actually come to think about it, I had many people stand in my room waiting with me for the dr. I mean a wall full of onlookers and here I am, legs up in stirrups trying not to push. So, 5 minutes go by, no dr. The jokes start coming from my onlookers. "Whatever you do, don't make her sneeze!" said one. "And don't laugh, for heaven's sakes, don't laugh" said another. "Pant like a dog" said the nurse. I smile. "No" she said, "Really, pant like a dog, it will help you to not push". Huh? Yes, so I had to sit there, with a wall full of people watching me, legs up in stirrups and my hoochie flashing everyone, panting like a dog. 10 minutes now have gone by. Dr finally walks in. Which was good, because I am telling ya, I wasn't enjoying myself, I was starting to feel like a freak show. I was about to make my husband (at the time) start charging admission. Well, 2 pushes later, Logan Arthur was born. 7lbs 3 oz. He was a pretty easy baby really. His toddler years were a trial. At 3 he insisted that I not pick his clothes out anymore. He was moody starting at 5. He has been obstinate since 8. He is growing into a very headstrong man. Not that it is really a bad thing, but it sure does give me a run for my money. He is almost taller than me (not that I am hard to beat at 5'2) and his feet grow so much I have to replace shoes every 6 months. He knows what he wants and does nearly anything to get it. He is growing up so fast!

Happy Birthday Logan. I love you.