Helluva week

Let me tell you, it is ONLY Monday and it has been a heck of a week.

First, the WOMAN called hub again. Seriously, she doesn't take a hint. (If you don't
know what I am talking about, look at THIS post. ) She actually called him while
I was on the phone with him. The number came up as unavailable (so she had to
have blocked her number) and when he answered, he was shocked and told her he
wasn't talking to her (yay hub!). I still have to admit, my stomache turned and all
my bad feelings and fears came back. But, hub did the nicest thing and offered for
us to change our cell numbers. And we did. I do feel a little more comforted by that
and also for the fact that he told me she called and shot her down. Maybe one day
I will be able to come to terms with it all and feel like it is actually in the past. I
would like to go one day without remembering what was written and just one hour
without having a panic that she is contacting him again and that he has decided
she is worth more than me. I don't let this on, but it is there all the time. Maybe
these small changes will help, I am fond of the new cell phone number change.
I just wish I could erase all of this from my mind as easily as it was to change
our cell numbers.

Then MY EX calls. Seriously, he has been an MIA dad for months. He hasn't paid child
support, nor called the kids. Remember, I had to put Logan in therapy because of it.
Yeah, now dad of the year is coming HERE for a visit this week. He says "he feels bad"
for what he did. Yeah, who the F** cares. He was wrong to avoid his children (the 2
Logan and Kaity) for that long. But, I have joint custody (and in the state of Tn, that
is what rules us) and I have to allow the visit. So, this week ought to be FUN (NOT).

Now today, my doctors office called. Princess Becca had her 2 yr appt on her bday last
week. He was a little concerned because instead of staying level or increasing in the
height percentile, she went down. So, he drew blood work, just in case, and said we would
monitor her height and he would see her again in 3 months. The thing he was most concerned
about at that visit was her speech. He recomended putting her in speech therapy. Well,
when they called today it was not because of her speech it was because of her blood work.
She was low in the growth insulin. So, he has referred her to a Pediatric Endocrenologist.
I have no idea what I am heading into here. I feel so bad. With my last 2 kids health
issues, I would think God is punishing us for having this many kids. Is he trying to tell
me I should have stopped in my early 20's when they came out healthy. Seriously, I was
only 28 and 31 when the last 2 were born. I didn't forsee that I could have caused
them health and development problems. I am just so sad about this.

I also saw my aunt on Sunday. She is hanging in, but she is not getting any better. It hurts
so much to see her in so much pain and agony because she knows she is declining.

So, that is the week so far. Really, I think I have had enough now to last me a long time.

Happy Birthday Baby Princess!!

My precious little one has turned 2!!! (This is her with her new Rocking UNICORN)

It seems just like just yesterday I was desperately trying to conceive you. It seems like only
hours ago that I first held you in my arms. It seems like only minutes since you turned
1. Now you are 2, where did the time go?

You are so independant and headstrong. You are a woman that knows what she wants
and will do anything to get it. Your brothers and sister don't stand a chance against you
when you get an idea in your pretty little head. You are adored and loved and I can't
believe how big you are getting!

I love it when you cuddle up to me and we watch sponge bob together. I love it when,
while I am cooking, you feel the need to grab ahold of my leg and start smothering it
with kisses. I love that little laugh of yours when something strikes you funny.

Happy Birthday little one! I love you so much!

Thumbs up!

Ok, amidst the chaos of baseball season, I must have lost my brain somewhere.

Tuesday- we are getting ready to leave, I am barking orders at the children to vamoose out
of the house. I get them in the van, look in my purse for my keys..........NO KEYS. They are locked in the house. Yes, seriously.

So, I call hub and ask if there is a spare key hidden anywhere because, as the responsible person I am, all the doors are locked and I can't get back in the house. Nope, no such luck. However, (ray of light here), he says we can break into the house thru a window. Oh, how nice, did I need to know it was easy to break into my house? So, Logan and I go to the window and get it open. (ok, actually there are 2 windows, an outside one and an inside one) Yay. I stand on some cinder blocks and push my oldest thru the window (me in my old age could not have accomplished that feat). So, once he is in I tell him to close the inside window and I will close the outside one (the outside one was very tough to open). So, he does his part and I start pulling down on the outside one. THIS is where things get fuzzy. Somehow the hard window gave way and fell at warp speed ON MY THUMB. I am not sure how, but I got my thumb out and must have jumped off the cinder blocks. I really don't remember much of that part. Very fuzzy. All I do remember is the immense pain and me jumping around trying not to scream at the top of my lungs. Yes, we got in the house, but I have either broken my thumb or severly jammed and bruised my thumb.

Have no time for that though, we had to get to ball practice. So, I buck up, wipe my tears, grab some ice and start the rest of the horrible night. I have no time to go to dr and get an xray, Tyler has a game and pictures. So, as my thumb swells to twice it's size and turns purple and red, I muddle thru the LONGEST game of my life. They actually had to stop the game at the
2 hour time limit. They technically did not finish the game.

Wednesday- So, still no time to get my thumb checked out. And really, even if I did, what would they do? Nothing except confirm it broken. Pointless to pay them for that. So, we CLOSED ON THE HOUSE!!!! YAY. I never thought this day would come. Still though, my brain is still missing. On the way to closing, I stopped at Kroger to exchange the diapers I had bought in the wrong size. I have my kroger saving card on my keys. Yes, I left Kroger without my keys. I did not find this out though until we were out of town (Hub was driving, so no need for the keys then). So, later that day hub had to go and pick my keys up so that I can finish out my week of
torture.

Today- so far today I am ok. I haven't left yet though. We have baseball practice tonight, so we shall see if things go well.

Have you ever noticed how much you use your thumb? Even the simplest things have become difficult. Changing a diaper. Giving a bath. Spreading peanut butter on a waffle. Using the computer . I can type without my thumb,but my mouse is thumb driven. The ball part is on the side and you use your thumb to roll it around. I have had to become creative there. I have to lean over and use my left hand to work the ball and use my right index finger to press the buttons. I miss my thumb. I also would like the pain to go away. That isn't something I am fond of either.

So, if anyone has located a spare brain, I would be very interested in it. Losing mine has caused too much trouble already.

Take me out to the ball game.....

I did it! I survived my first night of baseball games. You know I do this alone, right? Hubby has to work every flippin day we have a game. No kidding. I would swear these Little League coaches do this to kill me, it is a conspiracy I tell ya!!

So, kids come home at 3:45, we have to leave like right THAT minute because today Tyler
had practice at 4 and it takes us a good 20-30 min to get there. Yeah, that didn't happen on
time. Not my fault, Ty butt wanted to stall and drag his feet. So 4:15 we left the house and made it to his practice. I drop him off, he gets razzed for being late, again his OWN fault. And I leave to drive Logan to batting practice. He has to be there by 5. So, I convince him to get a ride with a teammate when he leaves batting practice at 5:45 to go to the baseball field for team pictures. I have to drive back to Tyler's practice and wait for him to finish. So, 5:50 rolls around, I gather Tyler up and head to McD's. That is also part of the conspiracy, the fast food joints must be giving a kickback to the league, because how else am I going to feed these kids on the road, in between practices and games?? Soooo, we get the dinner, head to the ball field where I meet Logan. We wait around for a good 20 minutes before his pictures are taken. Then we get to to and wait by the field for his game to start. We are hoping it starts on time, at 7.

By now, the sun is going down and it is getting colder. We set up and the kids start running around like maniacs. I swear, if you were at the ball field, you wouldn't hear the cheering for the teams, you would hear ME saying "Kaleb stop, Becca come here, Tyler quit, Kaleb don't run over them with the stroller, Becca come HERE, Kaity pleassse help, Kaleb, why are you crying?, Kaleb come HERE NOW," Do you get the point? I am a stressed out, baseball mom trying to keep the other 4 kids inline while the other is playing.

Logan plays, and I would swear it is the longest 1 hr 45 min of my LIFE. (this is just actual game time, not all the prelude before it). Then we get to wait ANOTHER 10 minutes because the coach has to talk to them because they lost 1-0. By now, Kaleb is crying, Becca is crying, Tyler is whining and Kaity, well, she was actually pretty good. I am frazzled. It is now almost 9pm and I am EXHAUSTED.

So, finally we get to pack everyone up and head home. 9:30 we get to start the process for bed. That is JUST as much fun.

SO, think this was fun? Well, I get to do it all again tomorrow. Only tomorrow, I get to add a dance class for Kaity to the mix. And it will be Logan at practice and Tyler with the team pictures and game, which starts at 7 (we hope).

After this the schedule will be Logan with an early game and a late game on either Monday or Thursday and Tyler with an early game and a late game on Tuesday and Thursday. Early games are at 5, so I say we could be home by 8. whoppee!!

Will I survive this until the middle of June???? Let's find out.....

Amazing!

Isn't it amazing that a 4yr old and a 2yr old can obliterate a house in the matter of an HOUR? I am stunned, really stunned.

I was very busy working today, had my head in a big project. I was IN the room with them, they were playing in the living room and watching cartoons. They were giggling and laughing and romping around. I was like, wow, finally they are getting along! Kaleb usually knocks her down or trips her, something to make her see that he is the strong one. But not today, I even caught a glimpse of them playing barbies. Ok, well, playing is a strong word, they were swordfighting with the barbies. I think Kaleb even managed to decapitate one (sorry barbie!)

Anyhoo, I feel a break is deserved and that maybe it is time to fix lunch. I walk around the couch (the couches are a little high and block my view of the floor of the living room I can see the actual room, but the floor is a little out of my view- you know where I am going with this) and there is Trix cereal ALL OVER MY FLOOR. I was in shock. I heard no cereal throwing. As I am ranting and raving, my angels decide they better scatter to another room. They giggle on the way out.

So,while I am cleaning up Trix and cursing myself for not paying enough attention, I hear this loud "swish"..water dropping and spraying sound, along with big bouts of laughter . I immediatly head to the kitchen where I find my son and daughter (you know the angels that they are) engaging in a JUICE BOX FIGHT. I kid you not. I am sure the boy was behind this fiasco. He put the ammunition in the girl's hand and showed her what to do. But she was more than a willing participant. I am afraid she lost that war though, because he had her wet from head to toe.

Now, mind you, while running from the living room to the kitchen, I must first pass Kaleb's room. Here I find much of the same kinds of mess as the living room. A Trix war must have taken place here too. I know I was here, I swear it! How on earth could they do this with such little sound.

I think these two have learned to conspire against me. Anytime my head is turned away and preoccupied for even the shortest time, they find something destructive to do.

I admit, I wanted them to get along, but seriously, did I want them to be partners in crime? They have tagged up against me and I am really afraid they are going to win!! What am I saying, apparently they have already won. I am just trying to keep up!

I don't remember this much destruction and collaborating amongst my older kids when they were this little. Did I just forget or is the new generation learning that mom has gotten old and found ways to crack her?!?!

Tornado dreams

Yes, I am having my tornado dreams again. Nearly every night, a few times a night, I get swept up by a tornado. I can be in different locations, taking precations, trying to wake up and that damn twister gets me every time.

Now, I was a psychology major (when I went to school LOL) and I have researched online what it means. It means I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed. Well that is the understatement of the year.
Why on earth would I be overwhelmed?

I am trying to mend my marriage
I am watching my fav aunt die
I am in the middle of a drama battle with the fav aunt family - too long and too gruesome of a story to have online.
I am in the middle of trying to close a loan on my home - this will certainly turn my hair white before too long
2 of my boys are in baseball - They are on different teams and play different days SO
Mon and Thurs - I am at one's practice while running to the other's game
Tues and Fri - I am running from one's game to pick up the other from Practice
Tues has the ADDITIONAL job of picking up daughter from dance class
Wed has only one practice, this is the light day
This week alone I have been running all over the country, not with just ball practices and dances, but to my aunts house that is 2hrs away and to the dr (kids needed a visit- one has poison oak the other has a staf infection on his EAR) which is also an hour away.

Now, I also must find time in my day to work or to catch up on work. I also must find time to transport Kaleb to school Mon-Wed.

Now, add in that I have the nearly 2 year old (who thinks she is very independant) with me the ENTIRE time.

I don't eat anymore. I can't find the time. My nerves are shot. I am having chest pains. (I am sure that last one is due to stress, not to worry)

Now notice, I did not include cleaning my house or doing laundry, those things have seemed to go by the wayside right now. Don't worry we aren't living in filth..... yet.

I am not complaining, really, this is my life and I signed up for it. I think I have just come to the point that I don't know whether I am coming or going. Maybe I am doing neither and just don't know it. LOL

So, dreaming of tornados will probably continue. Maybe I will start naming them so that they won't be so scary....... Let's start with tonights twister - Tornado Anne

Who wants to name the next one??? lol

FIsh Heads

Ok, seriously, I don't get it. My kids LOVE this song. They dance
and sing like there is no tomorrow when it comes on XM kids.

I just don't get it. Are we being secretly brainwashed or something????

Happy Easter!!

I do hope everyone out there is having a Happy Easter! No, I didn't have another child, the
funny one with the Easter grass on his head is my cousin, DJ, (Peg's son).

We have had some fun today. The whole clan went to my Aunt Peg's for
Easter. We had a great egg hunt and visited with Peg. She wasn't feeling too great today,
but we were glad to see her.

We had 97 hidden eggs and they found every one!! We had 1 very special egg, a large red egg, that held $5 in it. We decided to NOT tell anyone about the egg so that they wouldn't focus only on it. The egg was hidden rather well. Completely under a car, by the tire. Very hard to see. Low and behold, BECCA the baby!!, walked to the car, bent down and pointed at her egg!! She won the prize! We all just bust out laughing because it was the baby, out of all those kids, to find the prize egg! The older one's were not too happy when they found out! :-)

Tomorrow

Swimming in tears
Drowning in sorrow
Heart so heavy
Will it lift tomorrow?

Tomorrow comes
Tomorrow goes
Each day passing
Lower are the lows

Surviving in the moment
Nightmares of the past
Wishing for the future
Praying this won't last

A ray of light lifts my sorrow
A dash of hope lightens my tears
Heart becomes a little lighter
So tomorrow I will hold dear.

Mending Fences

I am happy to report that we are on the road to mending. We have had a long talk and some crying and we have come to an understanding. He is to NEVER do this again and he is very sorry. I am trying to forgive, but I doubt I will forget. And, really, I don't want him to forget either. He has to realize that this hurt so much that I would have left. I can't go thru this kind of pain again. It is also understood that he will have nothing to do with that woman. She has agreed, atleast to me, that she will not contact him again. I have a hard time believing this, but I am hoping it is true.

Trust is a very serious issue for me. I have a very hard time forgiving and getting the trust back. This will be a major hurdle for me to overcome. I still, in my mind, see the words and I still get sick to my stomache when I think about it. I am not sure how long it will take for these images to vacate from my brain. I wish I had a fool proof way to get rid of these images and thoughts. For my marriage sake, I really hope we can overcome this.

On a lighter note, baseball season has started. My two boys are on different teams in different leagues. My days are so hectic now, I am not sure when one day starts and another one begins.
But, I have to admit, I love seeing them play! Pictures will follow as soon as games begin!!